


this dead girl walking

by C Cohen (CCohen)



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Blood Drinking, F/M, Sibling Incest, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-10-02 01:34:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10205888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CCohen/pseuds/C%20Cohen
Summary: Clary needed blood. The only issue was that she was stuck inside her closet, and it was day. That, alone, severely limited her blood supply.





	1. Chapter 1

Clary needed blood. The only issue was that she was stuck inside her closet, and it was day. That, alone, severely limited her blood supply.

It wasn’t her fault she had become a vampire, really. Clary had been partying in Pandemonium with Simon one moment, and the next one, she was having her blood drunk by a vampire. Clary didn’t really remember enough of that night. What she did remember was the feeling of fangs against her skin, and a quick search through Google, a few days later, when her skin burnt and sizzled by the faintest touch of the sun, told her enough.

And as such, it was how she found herself inside her own closet, alone and thirsty; the sun had rose while she slept, and she only had time to shriek and flee to safety, unable to grab the thermos full of cow blood she had bought from a butcher. It tasted disgusting, but it wasn’t like she just could ask someone to be a blood bag for her. As long as she didn’t kill anyone, Clary would be able to survive the day.

At least, that was the plan, until her dearest older brother - Jonathan, nicknamed _Sebastian_ for the awful Black Butler cosplay he dyed his hair badly for - opened the door, confusion clear in his dark eyes as Clary hissed, fangs showing, trying to bury herself deeper inside the closet to escape the harsh sunlight that had poured in. Jonathan closed the door, trapping her inside, which was considerate of him.

“Do I want to ask what’s going on?”, Jonathan’s voice, clear as if he was by her side, asked, and Clary looked at her sizzling skin, its slow reaction time to heal worrying her. “Clarissa?”

He always called her Clarissa. It was sweet, in its own way, the syllables in his tongue soft yet sharp.

“I think I may have become a vampire. I also really need to drink some blood, so if you could please get me the thermos on the table, I’d be pretty pleased,”, Clary replied, and she could hear the eyeroll offered.

“No shit, Clarissa.”, he replied, blunt as always. She heard him rummage through her desk and come back, but she couldn’t smell the blood. “It’s not there.”

“What do you mean, it’s not there?”, Clary hissed, panicking. She had been sure she had left the thermos in her table. The bit her lower lip, the fangs digging in her skin. “I don’t suppose you could go to a butcher shop and buy me some?”

Her brother stood quiet for a second, and Clary really wished he didn’t. It made it way too easy to hear his heartbeat, the blood flowing through his body too tempting for Clary.

“Why should I?”, he asked, voice cold, and Clary really wished Jonathan would just… Not be like that.

Jonathan and Clary had been raised separately. Something about the divorce that made them be raised _Parent Trap_ style until their father had been found dead, stabbed and drowned. It was all very confusing, but the gist of it was that Jonathan had come to live with them at age thirteen, and had latched onto Clary with curious fierceness. Clary hadn’t minded then, and she certainly didn’t now, even if he was, on occasion, super protective of her sometimes, and other times he’d be like that - cold, uncaring. Clary and their mother were sure this was their father’s bringing up.

“Because otherwise I’ll die.”, Clary wasn’t very sure, really, but better to play on Jonathan’s over protectionism of Clary.

“Very well, then. Get in a dark corner.”, he said, and was the only warning Clary had before Jonathan, opening the door, entered the now cramped closet.

She could hear the blood pumping in his veins. That was.... Bad. Clary’s back was already on the wall, so there was no other way to go deeper into the closet and try to escape the alluring scent of Jonathan’s blood.

“Are you suicidal?”, Clary hissed, and Jonathan’s eyes could bore holes into her skull. “What part, exactly, of ‘I am a vampire and I am thirsty’ is too hard to understand?”

“You’re thirsty, and since I can’t find your blood thermos, I might as well be of use.”, he said, voice dry as he touched his neck. “Just go ahead.”

Well, since he was offering, and the smell was overwhelming her… Clary bit into his neck, forgetting herself for a moment who or where she was, the taste of Jonathan’s blood sweet against her tongue. She moaned against his skin, and her brother’s moan reverberated against her teeth. Clary smiled to herself and kept sucking, only stopping when her skin didn’t hurt anymore, offering a long lick to the affected area and watching as the small holes in his skin became two small scars.

Clary blushed when she noticed two things - first, she was straddling his lap, and second, she could feel him hard against her. She let go quickly, but Jonathan smirked at her, kissing her softly - her mouth still dirty with his blood - and rose up, silently leaving and closing the door behind him.

“I’ll close the curtains for you,”, he said, and Clary nodded. If her heart wasn’t beating so slowly thanks to the fact she wasn’t exactly alive, it would’ve exploded. “And if you ever need more blood, I’m here.”

“Sure,”, Clary replied, only leaving the closet when she heard him close the curtains and leave her room. The first she noticed when she got out was the thermos full of blood in her desk, exactly where she had left it.

Clary laughed hoarsely and drunk the rest of it, the taste now bitter if compared to the sweetness of Jonathan’s blood. Perhaps she’d have to take on his offer, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some people on fanfiction.net asked for more, so here's more.

When night comes - and Clary knows when that happens, because it’s like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders - she barges from her room into the place her nose told her Jonathan was, her fangs half-showing as if she hadn’t drunk his blood mere hours later.

Weirdest thing, Clary noticed, stoppin on the threshold between the living room and the hallway, was how full she felt. When Clary drank cow blood, she felt hungry almost immediately later, but now that she had drank Jonathan’s, she still felt full. Clary really didn’t want to dwell too much on it, so she went to the kitchen, where she found Jonathan making dinner. Clary cleared her throat, and Jonathan didn’t turn back to face her.

“I’m making it for myself, since I assume you don’t eat anymore,”, he said, the smell making her stomach turn. That… Was also odd, since she had been able to eat normally. Well, not big portions, definitely, but still. Maybe the cow blood diet was making her starve, and as such, her body allowed her to eat food? She’d have to google it later. Clary half-wished there was a  _ Being a vampire for dummies  _ available somewhere.

“Yeah, sure,”, Clary said, holding her breath as she entered the kitchen, sitting in her usual chair. “Sorry for drinking your blood today.”

“It’s alright. If you need more, let me know, Clarissa”, Jonathan hummed. Clary was… Tempted. The feeling of Jonathan’s pulse in her mouth had been quite something, the way he felt under her… She shook her head, expelling the thoughts, and made sure to keep her eyes away from her brother’s crotch.

“You seem very casual with all of this,”, Clary said, putting one hand in her face. Jonathan laughed, the sound of the stove being turned off too loud for her ears.

“Clarissa, I’ve seen more weird shit with our dad than you can think of. Trust me, a vampire drinking my blood is nothing.”, he replied, putting his food in a plate and sitting in front of her. Clary had never been so thankful for being able to hold her breath for long periods of time. “Anyway, what’s a bite?”

“A blood loss. You’re to have a diet heavy on iron, if you plan to be my blood supply.”, Clary was very surprised with herself for accepting his offer so easily, but the sweetness of Jonathan’s blood still rang in her mouth, and she decided to blame on that her easeness of accepting.

Jonathan simply smiled, showing her his plate - red meat, green leafs, beans -, and Clary looked at him with disbelief.

“Already a step ahead of you,”, he hummed, going back to eating. Clary sighed, and stopped for a moment, hearing a throbbing sound, a dull drumbeat. She looked at Jonathan, and paled when she noticed she was hearing his blood flow through his heart.

Clary jumped to her feet.

“Nice job, Sebastian, but I got to go now,”, Clary probably had said that too quickly, but she didn’t care, running away and locking herself in her room.

She still could hear his heart beating. Clary cursed herself, picked her headphones and sketchbook, and decided to find the loudest heavy metal she could to not try and suck her brother dry. Clary was almost sure she heard him chuckle, before the music started playing, but decided to ignore it.


	3. Chapter 3

An entire day later, not surprising anyone but herself, Clary was thirsty. She groaned to herself, cursing the fact she had drank the last of the cow blood the day she had gotten stuck in the closet and hadn’t thought of getting more, she rose up from bed. Her brother, if her sense of hearing could be believed, was already awake, lying in bed. Clary nodded to herself and checked her path quickly, thankful for the fact the hallway windows were closed. Maybe it was Jonathan’s work? If it was, it was sweet of him.

Clary crept on the hallway, quietly going to Jonathan’s room, and knocking for one brief moment - she was  _ almost  _ sure the door had cracked, but Clary decided to ignore it - before opening the door, her fangs pressing against her lower lip. Her brother was lazily splayed in his bed, shirtless (and Clary did her best to avoid thinking about her hands on his muscles, but failing. She decided to blame it on her thirst.), looking at her through half-lidded eyes, the cellphone he was playing it forgotten completely.

“What brings you here?”, he asked, putting his cellphone away, sitting upright. “No, let me guess. You need blood.”

“What else would I need?”, Clary replied, with a frown, sitting in his bed. Jonathan offered her a malicious smirk, and she slapped him lightly. “Gross.”

“I wasn’t gross when you were sucking me dry,”, Jonathan winked at her, and Clary would blush, were her heart still beating as quickly as before. He put one hand on hers, and leaned in, the smell of his blood overpowering her senses. “Come on, it’s just one bite.”

Clary nodded, and opened her mouth, going for his neck, her body straddling his immediately, her weight forcing Jonathan to be on his back. His blood was still as sweet as before on her tongue, and she smiled against his warm skin as Clary heard him stifle a moan. His hands grabbed her hips, and Clary stopped biting him.

Jonathan looked at her with feverish eyes, a slight sheen of sweat covering his skin. He looked delicious, almost ready to be sucked dry and say “thank you” at the end. Clary leaned down, giving the place she had bit a long lick, her saliva curing the two small wounds she had made, and Clary then decided that resting on top of him seemed comfortable.

“You’re delicious,”, she muttered, and Jonathan’s hand kept at her hip. Clary knew she should take it from there, especially with the way he was playing with the elastic of her pajama shorts, but her head was still filled with thoughts of sucking him dry. This vampire thing was exhausting. She nicked at the skin in his neck, and Clary could feel the moan in his throat. “God, I could suck you off in one bite.”

There was another moan from his part, and Clary grinned as she sat properly over his hips, grinding over his hard cock. 

“Then do it, I’m not stopping you,”, he said, voice fluctuating, and Clary bit his neck - not to take blood, just for the thrill of his skin, salty against her tongue, on her mouth. 

One of Clary’s hands went down, touching the band of his pants as Jonathan started to take off her pajama shorts at the same time, and they both frozen when their heard their mom calling out their names. Clary’s mind left the food frenzy it was, and she stared, green against his heterochromic eyes - one black, other green - for one second that felt like eternity.

“What do we do?”, she hissed, blushing when she noticed the position she was, where her hands were, and most important, the fact her mom was approaching.

“Under the bed?”, Jonathan suggested, and Clary got off him, quickly sliding under his bed, holding her breath when the first specs of dust hit her. Clary was mildly annoyed, and as she heard the sound of the covers rustling, Clary wondered why she didn’t just throw herself out in the sun.

“Are you honestly going to jack off?”, Clary hissed, and Jonathan’s laugh was musical.

“Do you want to give a hand?”, he asked, and Clary made puking noises. “Aw, that wasn’t your reaction five seconds ago.”

“It’s the hunger, you selfish son of a - “, Clary replied, stopping herself mid-sentence when her mother knocked, smelling like paint and tea. She curled into herself, and as Jonathan told their mom to come in.

Their mom was a somewhat famous artist - she was always traveling, going from exposition to exposition with little to no downtime, which meant Clary had been raised practically by herself, as a child, when her usual babysitters weren’t home. After Jonathan came to live with her, however, the babysitters had been gone.

“Jonathan?”, her mother called, entering the room. “Where is Clary?”

“Clarissa went to the deli, Jocelyn.”, he replied, and Clary could hear the curl on her mother’s lips. That was another thing of their father, she’d guess. Jonathan did come to their house with some… skewed views of the world. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no, I just wanted to tell you two I’d be touring through Europe this summer. Could you pass the message to her? I’m just here to grab some clothes, actually,”, their mother said, and Jonathan sat up. Clary could see his feet. “I’m so sorry I spend so little time with you two.”

“It’s alright, Jocelyn.”, the creepy polite smile Jonathan always had when dealing with her mother was audible, which was very weird. Maybe it was something her new sharp vampire audition could do, now? Pick up the sound smiles made? 

Her mom stammered around a bit on Jonathan’s dark room, thankfully not opening the windows, and left soon after. Clary waited until she heard the front door closing before sliding out of under Jonathan’s bed, feeling disgustingly dirty with dust.

“I am going to take a bath,”, she declared, noticing that he was still hard, and that Clary’s thirst wasn’t just for blood. Jonathan smirked, and Clary knew she had made a fatal mistake.

“Do you want some company?”, as nice as that’d be, Clary would end up feeding off him. Tempting offer, but really, she had had enough.

“No!”, she hissed, before leaving, ignoring the clear as day murmur of “you hesitated” he said.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with some mentions of dissociation. I wrote about my own experience, but do tell me if there is something wrong with what I wrote. Thank you.

Clary was painting when Jonathan entered her room. She looked at him, curious, and wondered what it might be about, considering she had already fed from him that day - early morning, and Clary had caught up to her mind just as her brother took her shirt off, getting off him and scrambling to her room, where she had been the entire day - as he sat in her bed. He was still walking around shirtless, and on his neck there was starting to grow a small garden of scarred bites. Minimally scarred, of course, but when you fed almost everyday on someone, you ended up giving them a scar necklace.

He looked pretty with it, although, and if Clary took extra care when biting his skin, to make sure every place was even, she was the only one who needed to know.

“Is something wrong?”, she asked, frowning, putting the brush behind her ear. Jonathan did not answer, eyes not meeting hers, and Clary frowned. “Jonathan?”

His eyes did not rise to met hers, and Clary already knew what was wrong.

It wasn’t his fault. It was their father, and whatever he had done to Jonathan. The details on that were still foggy, at best.

Clary went to his side, sitting by, and carefully put her hand by his, but he didn’t take the offer. That just confirmed what he was going through, and Clary stayed quiet.

Jonathan’s eyes were unfocused and dark, and Clary waited by his side, patient. Whatever their dad had done, since he never spoke a word about it, had been terrible - terrible enough to make Jonathan dissociate when triggered by something (Clary still didn’t know what, which made her a bit frustrated because that was what she had to know, but she didn’t.). When he was in that specific state, Jonathan always found Clary, always sat by her side, and stayed silent, until he could find himself through the fog in his mind. Other times, he was still able to function, following her closely, but when asked later, he’d have no memory but vague recollections of Clary, and that would be it. She didn’t question him. Ig her presence could somehow help him, then she let it be. 

After what seemed hours later, he picked her hand. Clary didn’t make a sound, looking at him as he played with the pads of her fingers as if she were a cat.

“Are you alright?”, she asked, softly, and Jonathan nodded quietly. “Do you want to talk, Sebastian?”

Jonathan shrugged, eyes focused on her fingers, still playing with her as if she was made of glass, and Clary couldn’t help but think about the crack on his bedroom door.

“Not really,”, he replied, in the end, and Clary didn’t know what that was the answer for. “Could you bite me?”

Clary looked at him, and he rose his eyes, meeting each other.

“Don’t you worry about anemia?”, she asked, and when Jonathan shook his head, Clary bit her lower lip, cursing the fact that, at the mere suggestion of food, her fangs popped up. “You should.”

“Please, Clarissa. Just… Just let me get in that nice haze, it’s better than...”, he was almost begging, and Clary, with a nod, picked his hand, leaning down to bite his wrist. The blood there had a different quality from the one in his neck, and as she drunk shallowly, hearing him moan slightly, she wondered why. Maybe it was the closeness to the heart?

When she let go, Jonathan’s eyes were once more unfocused, but in the lovely way they were after she fed on him. Clary kissed his lips softly, allowing him to taste the sweetness of his own blood - even if for him it tasted like iron - before letting go. He made a move for her shirt, but Clary rose up, instead.

“You’re not feeling well, Sebastian”, she hummed, licking the last of his blood from her mouth. “Get better first.”

Jonathan nodded, quiet, and watched as Clary went back to painting.


	5. Chapter 5

Clary was quietly doing her thing with Jonathan - namely, feeding - when Simon called. Jonathan groaned when she took her mouth off his neck, and Clary decided to blame still being high on blood for the way she purposely grind on his hard dick, reaching for her phone on the nightstand.

“Hello?”, Clary asked, looking into Jonathan’s dazed eyes as she smirked to him, the warm feeling of his hands on her waist leaving almost an imprint to her senses.

“Hey, Clary! It’s been a while,”, Simon’s voice said, and it was like a bucket filled with cold water fell on top of her head, breaking the feeding spell she was. Clary gulped loudly, and hoped Simon didn’t hear as she hopped off her brother’s lap. He offered her a whimpering moan, which was good. 

“Hey, Simon,”, Clary started, and Simon went off, as usual, talking about  _ hanging out  _ and  _ Clary acting so weird after that night in Pandemonium.  _ As her eyes trailed Jonathan’s body - Clary had never been so thankful the AC was broken and the two of them had ulterior reasons to not get anyone to repair it, and looking at his body, once again Clary was thankful for it -, she hummed answers in the right moments.

Which meant she had only half-heard when she ended up accidentally inviting Simon for a movie night, which, considering her new affliction, was a bit troubling.

“Great!”, he said, before Clary could sputter literally any excuse to not do this. “I’ll bring the Sailor Moon R DVDs, you get the popcorn! See you soon!”

Clary gave a frustrated growl to her cellphone as she finished the call, staring at it for long seconds.

“Fuck me.”, she told it, and took a deep breath, going back to sit on her brother’s lap. Jonathan smirked.

“Can do, just tell me,”, he hummed, and Clary rolled her eyes. He touched her face softly. “Do you want to keep feeding?”

Clary looked at his face - paler than usual. Maybe she was overfeeding. Maybe Clary should give him something, for once.

“Not really,”, Clary hummed, putting her hands on his shoulders. She leaned down, biting her lip, and kissed him. 

His kisses definitely felt different from when she was in a feed craze, more definite and open, somehow. Jonathan was surprised at first, but quickly reciprocated, hands going from her face to her hips, setting there as Clary pulled him closer. He bit her lip, accidentally drawing blood, and they stopped for a second, looking into each other’s eyes.

He went back to kissing her, sucking on her bottom lip like her own blood was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten, and Clary had never felt so alive, taking off her shirt.

“Do you want this?”, she asked, foreheads touching when they separated, gasping for air. Jonathan nodded, quickly, before kissing her, her hands going up and down his chest.

They ended up fucking and falling asleep on his bed, which meant that they were in a compromising position when Simon called Jonathan, Clary waking up sore and just the tiniest bit bruised - the perks of having a body with a heart that worked slowly, she figured -, and Jonathan with his back clawed like he had fought some large feline and lost.

“Simon?”, Jonathan said, voice tired. When Simon replied - Clary really wasn’t paying attention, too busy trying to go back to sleep, the stinging bite marks Jonathan had left behind in her skin pleasant. He, unfortunately, sat up, surprised, and Clary glared at him. “Yeah, sorry, Clary’s taking a bath, maybe that’s why she didn’t pick up the phone?”

Clary rose up, remembering Simon had planned on coming over, and ran to wash herself, to get the scent of Jonathan away from her skin. The fact she had a bit of a speed boost as a vampire probably helped, but she was ready barely five minutes later, fabric covering the most obvious marks of Jonathan in her, and just the tiniest bit of makeup in the places clothes didn’t cover. Jonathan simply chuckled at her when she arrived the at the door, mindlessly eating popcorn, and Clary glared at him once more until he let go of it.

“Thanks,”, she told him, before opening the door. Simon still looked like the dork he was, puppy eyes and gentle demeanour. “Simon!”

Clary had to take care when she smiled to not show the fangs, hugging Simon as if he was made of glass. He… Probably was. What was distracting Clary, however, was the smell of the blood pumping through Simon’s veins. If Jonathan’s blood was deep and rich, like a well seasoned steak or something, Simon’s was light and airy, like marshmallows.

“Clary, it’s been a while!”, he said, and after that, it was a flurry of imagery - mostly, Clary doing the typical vampire thing of sucking Simon dry, tasting his blood on her tongue. 

It was the middle of the fifteenth episode when Clary rose up, excusing herself for one moment - which Simon vaguely noticed, since he was busy comparing the manga to the scenes - to go away for a moment, slipping in Jonathan’s room quietly.

He was asleep, and Clary quietly padded her way to him, picking his wrist carefully.

“Jonathan?”, Clary called, and he cracked open one eye, offering her a sleepy smile. “Can I…?”

“Have I ever told you no, Clarissa?”, he replied, and Clary, with a nod, bit into him, sucking the blood from him quietly. She just needed enough to take off the edge of needing to feed on Simon. She choked on his blood a little - the taste weird, shallow and empty. It… It made no sense.

When she finished, Jonathan looked paler, and the puzzle fit - he was anaemic. Of course he’d be. Clary licked the wound on his wrist and rose up just enough to kiss him, mouthing a silent “thank you”.

When Clary left Jonathan’s room, she cleaned her mouth with her thumb, tasting Jonathan’s blood once more. Yes, the taste was definitely different. She’d have to do something about it, but not now.


	6. Chapter 6

Clary looked both ways out of the window, checking to see if someone was coming, before jumping out. The ground didn’t hurt her knees when she stuck her landing, and Clary thanked, for one brief second, being a vampire.

She looked up, and wondered how she’d come back, but figured she probably could just jump really high. In any case, Clary faced forward, and decided to pay a visit to Pandemonium. The vampire that turned her (whoever it might be) owed her some answers. 

Well, not many answers, really, but it’d be nice to know somewhere else to take blood from. She really didn’t want to risk Jonathan’s health just because she needed to eat, and maybe the vampires who actually had experience on being vampires knew how to do that.

Getting into Pandemonium was easy - she had smiled prettily at the bouncer and he let her in, no questions asked, no ID-checking. Clary wondered if it was some sort of vampire thing. -, but being inside was another whole different thing. The music was loud, too loud for her sensitive hearing, and the flashing lights made her retinas burn. She hissed to herself and hid in a dark corner of the bar, wondering if she could drink anything at all before a pink-ish drink was passed to her. Clary looked up, and a pretty girl smiled at her, black hair shiny and glossy.

“Rough night, dear?”, she asked, and Clary nodded, carefully picking up the glass and sipping it. To her surprise, it had blood. Blood and alcohol, actually, more of the latter than the former, but it made it drinkable. Clary nodded, quietly, watching the girl. “New, hm?”

“Something like that.”, Clary replied, still quietly sipping her drink. The girl gave her a secretive smile, two fangs poking out just slightly, and Clary must’ve looked befuddled enough to make the girl laugh. 

“Very new, I see,”, the girl made a motion to a backdoor, guarded by what seemed like one lone boy, and smiled. Her fangs were still showing. “Go there, tell Alec Izzy sent you.”

“And you’re Izzy?”, Clary asked, making the girl laugh again. “Nice to meet you, anyway. I’m Clary.”

“Just go, dear,”, Izzy said, and Clary downed the rest of her drink as the other girl diverted her attention to an actual client, instead of one lost vampire. 

She rose up from her chair, approaching the boy in the door, and he gave her a scathing look. Clary had no idea why someone needed to be so tall, and yet, there this boy was. Way, way too tall.

Now that Clary gave him a good look, he was somewhat similar to Izzy.

“Go away, this place is for VIPs only,”, he told her, not even bothering to look at her. Clary was still dazzled by the mystery of his tallness.

“Izzy sent me?”, she tried, and the boy diverted his eyes to her, and then behind her - presumably to look to Izzy - before giving the loudest sigh Clary had ever heard some give, opening the door, revealing a dark hallway. “Thanks?”

“Just don’t talk to me again,”, he said. Clary was more than glad to obey, going down the hallway, stopping briefly when she heard him closing the door.

“Rude”, she told no one in particular, before continuing to walk down, hearing, faintly, the sounds of even faster music. Clary rose an eyebrow, walking faster, and soon reaching a dark room, filled with vampires. Clary didn’t need to be told they were vampires because she could smell the blood in the air, and the people being fed on painted a clear image.

Clary felt both overwhelmed and hungry, which wasn’t the best combination of feelings. Lucky for her, someone noticed, and came to her. She almost recognized him - it was one of the dudes who kept staring at her when she went to Pandemonium with Simon that night, black hair slicked back as if he was some sort of mafia man from the fifties.

“Hello there,”, he said, voice smooth. “I’m assuming you’re the new vampire my stupidest charge created?”

“I… Guess?”, Clary tried, and his smile grew wide. “Who are you?”

“I am Raphael, your grandsire. Considering your actual sire is… Busy, I’ll step in,”, he told her, putting an arm over her shoulders. Clary had a very vague feeling that “busy” for Raphael wasn’t the same as it was for her. “So, how did you survive all this time?”

“Google,”, Clary replied, as he guided over to a couch, making two girls with pale faces and vacant eyes move so that they could sit. “And, uh, I got someone to act as a blood supply to me.”

Raphael chuckled, and Clary felt… Well, she felt a bit proud. It was at least better than saying she drank cow blood, for some reason. She had no basis for that line of thought, but still.

“Very well, and considering I have not heard anything about vampires circulating, I’d say you’re doing very well.”, he told her, eyes as black as the night. “So, considering you aren’t failing, what brings you in?”

“It’s about my blood supplier, actually,”, Clary said, putting a loose strand of hair behind her ear, explaining how he had been anaemic and his blood was tasting weird, and how Clary really didn’t want to hurt him. Raphael had just smirked the entire time, and in the end, he leaned in, as if telling her a secret.

“While there is a very good chance your pretty boy supply is sick, you’re probably just too used to the taste.”, he snapped his fingers, and like magic, someone appeared by his side. “Get her a cooler of blood. Deliver it.”

The vampire, Clary presumed, nodded off and went back into the shadows, and Raphael smiled at her.

“Take one blood bag a day, and alternate it with your blood supplier.”, he told her, and Clary was tempted to ask how she was supposed to receive the cooler if she had given no address. “Of course, this comes at a price. You’ll have to do some work for me, but don’t worry.”

“Shouldn’t I?”, Clary asked, raising an eyebrow, and Raphael’s smirk grew larger as he rose up, Clary following him almost instinctively. “I think I should.”

“Good instincts, and a good bone structure,”, Raphael hummed, blatantly ignoring her as he lead Clary to the door. “I can see now why my stupid child decided to make you one of ours.”

“I don’t,”, Clary replied, frowning. Raphael didn’t answer her, pretending he didn’t hear her, and stopped just short of the entrance. He stared at her for one second, putting his fingers on her chin and moving her face a bit.

“About your issue, give the boy a drop or two of your blood. It’ll allow him to heal,”, Raphael said, nodding. “But don’t give him too much, or else he’ll start turning, and you don’t want that, do you?”

Clary shook her head, and with a smirk, Raphael let go of her, waving Clary off. She nodded and went upstairs, crossing paths with the freakishly tall boy, waving minimally to the vampire bartender, and going back home.

She had been able to jump to her window, and had almost fallen back on the street when she found Jonathan on her bed. She regained her footing and looked at him, the boy fast asleep in her bed.

Well, best to put a good opportunity to use. Clary closed the window and the curtains and let herself fall by Jonathan’s side, hugging his back, and quickly falling asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Clary was waiting for Jonathan to wake up, the morning following her visit to Pandemonium, when Simon called. At least this time she was able to pick it up.

“Hey, Clary!”, he greeted. Clary laughed. “Ready to finish Sailor Moon?”

“Why don’t we watch something else? We must have watched Sailor Moon like, fifteen times already,”, Clary suggested, making Simon laugh. “Why not one of the current animes? I’ve heard good things about Helsinger.”

“Of course you did,”, Simon replied, smiling as brightly as the sun whose warmth she could feel emanating through the curtains. It was probably midday. “I’ll see if I can find it. Your house or mine?”

“My mom won’t be here all summer,”, Clary replied, noticing Jonathan was starting to stir awake. “I have to go, okay? See you soon.”

“See you!”, Simon chirped, bright as the sun Clary never saw anymore, watching Jonathan wake up lazily, drawing circles on his skin quietly. He did seem pale and underfed, and guilt wrecked over Clary’s body. She had done that. She had fed on him until Jonathan was weak and malnourished, and...

And Clary felt some odd sort of pride about that, which was just plain horrifying. She was proud she had sucked someone to the point their blood tasted bad. Clary shook off the thoughts from her head and watched as Jonathan smiled to her, still half-dreaming.

“Did you fall from Heaven?”, he asked, mid-yawn.

“I was raised from the dead, actually. Vampire, and all that stuff.”, Clary replied, and Jonathan sat up, scratching his neck. “I’d kiss you, but your breath probably smells terrible.”

“The perks of being human, I’d guess,”, he laughed, and Clary cracked a smile. His smile fell, and Clary knew, almost intuitively, the next question. “Where were you? Last night, I mean.”

Clary paused, trying to join words.

“You’re anemic,”, she started, and when Jonathan frowned, Clary shrugged. “The taste is off. So I went to see if the vampire who turned me was back at Pandemonium to give me some tips on this entire vampire thing, and uh, long story short, I met my grandsire, and he promised to give me some extra blood supply. He also told me how to solve your anemia issue.”

“I’m not anemic,”, was all Jonathan had to say. “And… Grandsire?”

“Like a grandfather, but for vampires, I guess. And yes you are, you’re pale and taste gross.”, Clary huffed, crossing her arms. Her face softened, however - she was never able to stay too mad at him - and Clary touched his face. “You’re human. Humans have to replenish blood. Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m trading you for Simon. It’s just… Blood bags. I’m going to have to heat them and drink in a mug. Probably.”

“That sounds disgusting,”, Jonathan laughed, leaning into her touch. His face was warm, if compared to her lack of heat. “So, what’s the magical solution to my anemia?”

“You drink my blood,”, Clary replied, and Jonathan separated from her touch, leaving an imprint of heat. “Just a drop or two, nothing else.”

He looked at her cautiously, but nodded. Clary took a deep breath and approached her wrist from her mouth, biting into it until her teeth sank into the skin, feeling her own blood appear. She let it go of her mouth, watching as the droplets accumulated and fell, and offered it silently to him.

Jonathan looked into her eyes and leaned in, licking the skin where the blood touched, and Clary felt it oddly pleasant when he stopped for more than a brief moment on the wound she had made. When Jonathan lingered, however, Raphael’s words resonated in her head -  _ But don’t give him too much, or else he’ll start turning  _ \- and pulled it off, licking the wound and watching as it healed. Only when the wound was nothing but a memory, she looked at Jonathan, and had to do a double take.

He seemed healthy, as if she hadn’t been drinking from him almost daily, and Clary…

Clary wanted her blood back, damn it. She kissed him, and Jonathan, even though he was surprised at first, let himself fall back. Clary, however, decided that she could do with the blood she had drunk in Pandemonium, and settled to kissing him lazily in his bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Clary was busy, walking in circles around her kitchen, waiting for Simon, when the buzzer went off. She looked to Jonathan, who drank his coffee like nothing was happening, and he shot her a confused look. It couldn’t be Simon, because Simon knew their buzzer only occasionally worked.

Still, if it were, in fact, Simon, Clary would be in big trouble. She was thirsty, still obeying Raphael’s suggestion of drinking from Jonathan in alternating days, and today was one of the days she left him alone.

The buzzer went off again, and Jonathan, with a sigh, rose up, going to see who was buzzing. Clary kept her restless pace, until she heard a surprised gasp.

“Oh my, you must be Clary’s blood supply!”, Izzy chirped, voice clear as day, and Clary ran to the living room, where Jonathan was at the door, watching the bartender girl from Pandemonium in her door, a cardboard box under her arm. “No wonder she chose you, you smell delightful!”

“Who are you?”, he asked, with a frown, and Izzy smiled, showing her fangs. “Ah.”

“Yes, exactly. Now tell me I can come in, before I take you for a ride. I’d love it, but I don’t think you would.”

“You can come in.”, Jonathan said, still half surprised, and Izzy smiled, coming in while Jonathan frowned. She put the cardboard box in the center table and waved to Clary, and she had to contain herself to not laugh at Jonathan’s confused expression, muttering “ _take me for a ride?”._

_“_ Clary, hey! Sorry if I’m late, got a bit zozzled by the guy I was drinking from,”, she hummed, and Clary was starting to think she was the youngest person in the room.

“Zozzled?”, Clary asked, with a frown. Izzy smiled brightly.

“Yes, a half under man I found on an alley. He won’t remember a thing,”, she replied, opening the box and revealing several plastic blood bags, like the sort of you saw in a hospital. “These should last you two weeks. Stick them in the freezer and when you need one, pop it on the microwave. I don’t recommend putting in the stove, though, it kills the flavor.”

Clary went to the box, picking a blood bag and analyzing it. It looked like it was brought straight from a hospital. Izzy huffed, as if reading her mind.

“Raphael didn’t steal it, we have a private donation office. What sort of saps do you think we are?”

Clary shrugged, and decided she could use a blood bag already, rising up and going to the kitchen. Izzy followed her, Jonathan just barely behind, listening to the clearly older vampire instruct Clary on how to use the bags when they were fresh (namely, to put the content in a mug and drink it as if any other drink. If she so wanted, she could put a spoonful of blood in other beverages, too, but Clary really prefered it pure.)

She was putting the bags away in the fridge when Jonathan, resting against the doorstep, spoke up.

“How old are you?”, he asked, and Izzy smiled, sitting in the counter as Clary put the bags in the freezer, thankful her mother was away for the summer.

“I’m nineteen,”, Izzy replied, feet kicking the air as if  she were a child. Clary had a feeling it had been a while.

“And how long have you been nineteen?”, the smile on Izzy face fell for a second, but it was quickly there again.

“What is this, a bad vampire flick?”, she laughed, but when Jonathan didn’t reply, Izzy sighed. “I was turned just before what is called ‘the Great Depression’. Helped a lot with food costs, let me tell you.”

Izzy was old.

“Why don’t you tell more, then?”, Jonathan asked, apparently taking this all in stride. “I mean, a vampire has got to have a bunch of stories to tell, no?”

“That is the thing, you killjoy, there isn’t much to tell.”, Izzy shrugged, and stopped to think. “I was born in 1910, and I lived a pretty much quiet life until my parents and younger brother were taken by the last dregs of the flu. Then, me and Alec were out in the streets. We got into a circus act, I used to be the animal trainer’s assistant, Alec carried things around. The circus ended up dismantling around 1925, although. A shame, really, because I was pretty good with the whip, and Alec really liked the bow.”

Clary blinked. Alec, as in the tall rude boy she had met? She had thought they were similar, but not that they were brother and sister.

“And then?”, Jonathan asked, and Izzy shrugged.

“Then we got into speakeasies. I tended the bar, Alec tended the more rowdy clients.”, there was a pause, and they let her think. It had been a long while, after all. “Money was starting to get tight, but one day a fried fella told me about this underground money making business, so off I went and became Raphael’s supplier. I never told Alec because, well, he wouldn’t have let me do it, but he needed his strength.”

Clary nodded, and Izzy fingered a bracelet she worse, long stripes of leather snaking their way through her forearms. They _did_ look a bit like whips.

“Of course, nothing is perfect, and when the crisis started, I was mugged when getting out of the meeting place. They stabbed me and took my money, but it was just my luck Raphael smelled my blood and killed them. I begged to him not let me die there, and he turned me instead of being reasonable and taking me to a hospital.”, Izzy laughed, but it was bitter. A moment after, however, she giggled. “Not that I’m complaining, of course. Staying alive forever has its advantages, but at the time I was pissed I was going to lose my extra cash.”

“And when did Alec find out?”, Clary asked, going for another sip of blood, but finding none in her mug. Had she been so interested in Izzy’s story she had barely noticed drinking it all?

“Two days later, when I fed on him. To say he was mad is to put it nicely,”, Izzy jumped from her spot on the counter, resting against it. “I had to talk him out of going and beating Raphael up, but I think I convinced him with the fact he now only had to buy food for one. Things were hard enough.”

Clary had another question - _when was Alec turned?_ \- when Simon knocked on the door, and she froze. Her mug had blood on it, and so did her face. She ran to the kitchen sink, starting to frantically wash it, and Izzy simply giggled.

“Time for me to go, hm? I’ll see you when again, Clary,”, she hummed, and looked to Jonathan. “Be a dear and take grandma to the door, sweetheart.”

If the amused chuckle Jonathan gave her was any indication, he didn’t mind, going off with her. Clary was breathing with relief, at least until she heard Izzy’s soft gasp to Simon.

“Wow, Clary has some fantastic taste! You smell great!”, she said, and Clary, looking at the pink-ish water swirling in the sink, listening to Jonathan’s barely contained laughter and Simon’s confused “what was that”, wondered if vampires could drown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some 20s slang were used. Most of them mean "drunk".


	9. Chapter 9

Clary was finishing her meal - namely, drinking from Jonathan - when he looked at her, a question on his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”, Clary asked, cleaning his blood from her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“I’ve been thinking about that other vampire girl,”, he started, and Clary did her best to hide the pang of jealousy in her chest. It wasn’t, however, enough, because Jonathan smiled. “Not like that, Clarissa. I was thinking about how she was turned.”

Clary frowned.

“You want to be turned?”, she asked, and he shrugged. “I mean, I could turn you, I think I know how.”

“You should, considering you’re a vampire,”, he laughed, and shook his head, eyes serious and quiet. “I… I don’t know if I’d want to become a vampire. In one hand, I got eternity to spend with you, which is nice. On the other…”

His eyes fled from hers, and Clary started rubbing circles on the back of his hand. Clary let him join his words, convey whatever he wanted to say. She couldn’t notice, however, how his plans for eternal life involved her. That was cute.

“On the other hand, it means I stay with this fucked up mind for the rest of my life and beyond it, and I don’t know if I can do that.”, Clary felt tears sting her eyes, but she blinked them away. “Is that worth eternal life? I don’t know.”

“Jonathan…”, she threw herself on his arms, and Jonathan, almost automatically, hugged her. “I’m so sorry.”

“But it’s not your fault?”

“Still.”, she let herself breathe deeply into his scent, committing it to memory, just to be sure. She let go of his arms, kissing him softly before separating. “If you want to turn, let me know, and if you don’t, I’ll stay anyway.”

Jonathan smiled softly, and kissed her.

“I can’t wait to be an eighty year old with a banging young nurse,”, he joked, and Clary swatted him. “Hey, it’s the truth. I’m going to be the old guy with the young wife.”

“You’d marry me?”, she frowned, and Jonathan blushed. “We can’t, you know.”

“Nothing says we can’t move to some city where no one heard of us and buy rings, although,”, Jonathan pointed out, and Clary smiled, kissing him once more. When they separated, he kept speaking.“Live together, buy groceries for one, all that married stuff. Just, you know, not married.”

“That’d be nice.”, Clary told him, because really, it would be nice to have a life with Jonathan where they wouldn’t have to worry about being walked on, a life where they could go outside hand in hand with no issues. Maybe in the future, although - a future that it wouldn’t matter if Jonathan was a vampire or not. Clary went back to kissing him.


	10. Chapter 10

Clary was drinking blood from a mug lazily, waiting for Simon to wake up and half distracted with the sweet smell of blood mixed with coffee, to notice the boy in question stealing her mug. Clary panicked, and Jonathan, manning the coffee pot, was too slow to stop him.

“Good morning, Clary,”, he hummed, and Clary rose up, the plea for Simon to not drink it dying in her lips when Simon took a sip and spit it out. “This isn’t coffee. This tastes like… Blood, actually.”

Clary bit her lower lip, letting the fangs show, and Simon was nice enough to put the mug on the table.

“Clary, I have several questions,”, Simon started, giving a step back, and looking to Jonathan. Simon frowned, and Jonathan shrugged. “Most of them can be summarized by ‘when’ and ‘why isn’t Sebastian freaking out’.”

“I learned about it a few weeks ago, got used to it.”, Jonathan replied. “I mean, it’s not like Clary wasn’t a night owl before.”

Simon paused, and nodded, sitting in the extra chair. Clary sat back, and took back her mug, drinking one more sip from it, trying to seem casual before answering.

“‘When’ was that night we went to Pandemonium, you know?”, she replied, and a lightbulb seemed to go off in Simon’s head.

“Oh! So the blonde dude you walked off with was your… Vampire dude?”, Simon tried, and Clary and Jonathan looked at each other. 

“My sire, you mean?”, Clary tried, and Simon nodded. “Who was he? I have no memory of him.”

“He was… Tall, blonde, and looked a bit like Sebastian, now that I think about it.”, Clary took a sip of her mug, trying to not blush. Maybe she had a thing for her brother for longer than previously thought. “Wait, wait, Clary, do you like, feed from the vein?”

“Not usually,”, she lied, and Simon beamed up, almost as bright as the sun. “Why?”

“Can I see?”, he asked. Clary paled, and she could see Jonathan doing his best to stifle a chuckle. “You feeding, I mean. Please?”

“You won’t be able to see if I’m drinking from you,”, Clary tried, and Simon seemed dejected for one second before his eyes trailed off to Jonathan. Clary noticed. “No! I’m not drinking from him!”

One thing was to drink from her brother’s tasty vein alone, in the privacy of his room. Another whole different thing was to drink from Jonathan while Simon watched. Clary wasn’t subjecting herself to this.

“Actually, I think that’d be very interesting,”, Jonathan chirped, beaming like the bastard he was. “I was never fed from before. It’d be very interesting.”

Clary glared at him, and Simon, innocent to what was actually going on, smiled to Clary.

“See? He doesn’t mind, Clary! Please?”, Simon almost begged, and Clary, deciding to regret her entire life, took a deep breath.

“Fine, but this is a one time thing, you hear me, Simon?”, she growled, and Simon, excited as a puppy going for its first walk, nodded. She rose up, walking to Jonathan and sitting on his lap, blushing. “And if I hear one commentary from either of you, I swear to God, I’m cancelling this sick little show.”

“My mouth is zipped,”, hummed Jonathan, clearly having way too much fun, if the way his eyes shone were any indication. Clary glared at him and bit down his neck, as hard as possible, drinking up. For some reason, Jonathan’s blood tasted differently, something sunny coming up and that, surprisingly, Clary could understand - he was getting off in being watched by Simon. Clary smiled to herself, and kept going. If he was enjoying it so much, as she could feel his manhood harden under her. Boy, would that be hard to explain - especially if the moan he was struggling to let quiet was any indication.

When Clary was well fed, she plucked her fangs from the tiny wounds, licking them before getting off Jonathan’s lap, cleaning her mouth with the back of her hand.

“That was…”, Clary waited for the bomb, and the absolute awe in Simon’s eyes told her enough. “Incredible! Sebastian, what was it like?”

Jonathan still seemed a bit out of it, scooting the chair closer to the table, but Clary knew, very well, why.

“It was amazing. Like drowning in good feelings.”, if Simon’s eyes shone a bit bright, Clary was going to burn. 

“Clary, I’m going to be intrusive. Tell me everything.”, Clary smiled, fangs showing. At least Simon had taken it well.


	11. Chapter 11

It was Simon’s idea, so Clary should have, perhaps, taken a moment more to think about the subject. However, it was  _ Simon’s  _ idea - why would Clary think it wasn’t a good idea to begin with? -, and that was how Clary found herself talking with her actual sire, not Raphael.

It had all started a few hours earlier, when Simon appeared in her doorstep, dressed up like he was going to a party, and Clary, wearing her worst pajamas, the ones with some vague blood stains, stared at him.

“I thought we were going to watch Vampire Knight?”, Clary tried, but Simon shook his head.

“We were, but I had a great idea. What if we tried to find your sire? I mean, I know what he looks like, so if we go to Pandemonium, we can maybe find him,”, Simon chirped. That sounded surprisingly reasonable. “Besides, if we can compare an actual vampire to our research, it’ll make things easier on us.”

Clary laughed, letting him in. Their research consisted solely of cheesy vampire animes and Clary comparing her experience to it.

“Am I not a real vampire, now?”, Clary asked, mind wondering if she had anything clean. She really should do some laundry… 

“You are, but you’re also the worst vampire ever, so,”, Simon shrugged, plopping down on her couch. Clary laughed once more, and left him to his own devices, deciding to head first in Jonathan’s room. She knocked before entering, finding her brother reading, and he looked up to her.

Maybe he should go, as well. It was fair.

“Hey, me and Simon are going to Pandemonium, see if we can find my sire. Do you want to come?”, she hummed, closing the door behind her. She had fed on him earlier, but his blood still sang its siren song to her.

Jonathan rose up, passing a hand through his hair, approaching carefully and putting his hands on her hips, one finger playing with the shitty elastic band of her shorts.

“Sure, but I take you’re going to wear that?”, he grinned, and Clary blushed. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Perhaps later, but I think I may have to get dressed,”, Clary replied, kissing him once before leaving his room, leaving Jonathan smiling. 

Clary went to her room and threw on the first clothes she saw - a black t-shirt, the nicest pair of jeans she had, her red converse -, putting her hair in a ponytail for one mere second before deciding to leave it down. She looked better with it down.

As she dressed, Clary couldn’t help but think of how her sire was. Raphael was his sire, so he probably would be a bit like Raphael, right? But then, again, Izzy also Raphael’s charge, and they seemed nothing alike. Well, with any luck, Clary would discover it for herself tonight.

Getting into Pandemonium was, once more, easy - she smiled to the bodyguard, Simon and Jonathan behind her, and he let them enter. Simon was impressed.

“Maybe I should be a vampire too, if it makes so easy to enter places,”, Simon mused, but Clary knew, by the  _ look  _ he offered her, that Jonathan didn’t think it was that easy.

It had been, however, and as Clary sauntered up to the bar, she waved to Izzy, who seemed to have company - in the form of a blonde, familiar boy. Clary frowned, trying to place him, offering a step forward, as if hypnotized by that mysterious bartender. Simon pulled her, and she blinked, confused.

“That’s him!”, Simon hissed, and Clary looked to her best friend, her brother looking darkly at who was possibly her sire. “That’s your dude!”

“Nice way to put it, Simon,”, Jonathan said, as dry as a desert. “Her  _ dude _ .”

“But I’m right, aren’t?”, he insists, and Clary giggles. “Alright, go meet him, and don’t forget to ask him if vampires have to count rice.”

“What is he, a Sesame Street character?”, Clary snorted, approaching the bar slowly, Jonathan’s hand quietly on her wrist. Simon didn’t seem to notice, at least, so Clary kept her pace.

Izzy noticed her almost immediately, turning to her and smiling brightly, approaching the place where they were.

“Clary, there you are! I’ve got someone to show you, he just returned from his… Ah, trip.”, Clary had the decency to know it wasn’t a trip. Izzy waved to her sire, and the boy, nodding, smiled politely to the ladies before coming to where the group us. “Jace, be a dear and take Clary to the backroom, hm?”

Clary didn’t need to see the glare Jonathan was offering her sire to feel it, and turned back to face him, smiling softly.

“Oh, come on, Sebastian, what’s the problem? It’s not like he can turn me again. I’d be like, a twice dead girl walking,”, Clary joked, and Jonathan rolled his eyes.

“Yes, and besides, we can use this time to chat! I can tell all about my time on the circus!”, Izzy chirped, making her sire groan, and Izzy mock-slapped her. “Aw, come  _ on _ , it’s not that bad! You like it!”

“She was in a circus? How old is she?”, Simon whispered to Clary, who did her best not to snort, Jonathan clearly doing the same.

“Maybe if it’s the first time you hear it, not the seventy-one.”, he scrunched his nose up. “Anyway, you two have fun. Clary, we have to go.”

“Alright,”, Clary said, moving before she noticed what she was doing. Jace jumped the bar, touching Clary’s arm quietly and pulling her towards the door Alec guarded, his hand resting in the small of her back. Clary couldn’t help but look back to where Jonathan and Simon were, her brother looking at her while Simon chatted animatedly with Izzy. 

He seemed worried, and Clary could understand, really - after all, the last time she had been alone with Jace, she had come home a vampire. 

Jace nodded to Alec, who glared quite blatantly at Clary, for some unknown reason. She couldn’t understand how he and Izzy were siblings - they seemed as different as night and day.

Jace led her through the stairs, and then through the room, the smell of copper permeating the air around them. Clary was very regretful that she didn’t drink any before coming.

And that was how she landed there, talking with her sire. He sat her in a more a couch that seemed a bit far from the others, and stared at her.

“So, I’m your sire. I’ll be honest and tell you I have no idea how to be a sire. Raphael would be better off, but...”, Jace started, and Clary nodded.

“But I guess we’re stuck with each other, huh?”, Clary joked, making him skulk for a second. “Hey, I’m not that bad. You turned me for a reason.”

“Yeah, because…”, Jace stopped, quiet for a second. “You reminded me of someone, I guess.”

Jace paused, and Clary let him regain his thoughts. However it was that she looked alike, it had been someone important to him. Maybe a girlfriend or something, or a sister.

“And, since we’re stuck together on this, I’ve agreed with Raphael that I’ll pay up your blood supplies for a decade. You know, give you some time to adapt to being dead.”, he said, shrugging. Clary opened her mouth, but he shook his head. “No, don’t think about paying me. See this as… Me, paying you for taking your life.”

“You gave me it.”, Clary pointed out, and Jace pursed his lips. “Eternal life. I’m going to live forever.”

“I did, but have you ever considered you’re going to watch everyone you love die? And it’s more than a possibility you won’t be able to be with them, because you don’t age, but they do. It was reckless of me to turn you.”, he said, in one breath, and it was Clary’s turn to pause. She hadn’t considered that, and seeing Jonathan grow old and die - leaving her alone forever - would break her. “Listen, you better quit your life now and join us. It’s going to hurt if you stay more. Cut your ties.”

“I think I have a choice, don’t I?”, Clary retorted, and Jace scrunched up his nose once more. “Have a good night, Jace.”

“You too,”, he said, waving her off and starting to sulk in his corner. Clary avoided a deep breath, and made her way to her brother, Jace’s words heavy on her mind.

He was right. Jonathan would wither and die, unless turned, and she wouldn’t be able to stay by his side forever - people would ask questions, wouldn’t they? And what about school? Clary still had two years of it; how was she supposed to finish it? She bit her lower lip, fangs pressing against the skin, and shook her head.

She would have to convince Jonathan - to turn and flee to the vampires with her, or for herself to flee, alone, to her now peers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be two final chapters - one where Jonathan turns, one where he doesn't. I'll update again when both are written. Thank you for your understanding.


	12. Chapter 12

In the end, Clary was able to convince Jonathan to turn. He only had one qualm about it, however - 

“Let me get better,”, he told her, the two of them on his bed, as always. “Let me get…  _ Stable _ . I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

Clary accepted it, and as such, lived her best - she changed from normal schooling to homeschooling, claiming to her mother she wanted a better portfolio for art school, went occasionally with Simon and Jonathan to Pandemonium, and once in a while Izzy appeared with a box full of blood and tales of times gone by.

“Yeah, and then me and Alec were in London, and Jace was a bell bottom at the time, looking air-tight, flirting with this bird, but she was all ‘fella, I’m not fried enough for this so go chase yourself’, so  _ Alec  _ had to feed him a line about Raphael looking for us to see if he would quit it,”, Izzy said, over mugs of coffee (for the humans) and blood (for the vampires), and Clary and Jonathan looked at each other, as Simon seemed absolutely in awe.

“Is that how we’re going to sound in a thousand years?”, he asked, and Clary shrugged.

“At least you  _ understood  _ what she said,”, Clary replied, taking a smile off him. “I need a dictionary. Or a drink.”

“You’re underage.”

“I’m going to be sixteen forever, Sebastian. I think ‘underage’ here is relative.”, she stuck her tongue out, and Jonathan, with a deep fake sigh, settled for messing her hair.

Jonathan asked to be turned in his twentieth birthday, and Clary obliged. His blood was thick against her tongue, and she offered him her wrist to drink; his frenzy was something she had never imagined, and it was hard to contain herself when Izzy watched, by her side a ice box filled with blood bags  - _ “for the both of you _ ,”, she said, when Clary asked  _ why _ , and now she can understand; Clary can feel herself being sucked dry, can feel the thirst on the back of her throat, a bottomless pit in her stomach.

She had to pull off her wrist from his mouth, Jonathan’s eyes wild and unusual. He stayed quiet, and Clary cannot remember how she was while transforming to compare. Clary rose up and joined Izzy, the two of them staying quiet.

“He’s doing well,”, Izzy says, in the end, offering her a blood bag that she accepts. “I remember when it was Alec’s turn, he couldn’t stop moaning.”

“It hurts?”, Clary asked, and Izzy looked at her, bewildered.

“Of  _ course  _ it hurts, you’re growing your teeth, slowing your heart, a bunch of things. Don’t you remember?”, Izzy asked, and Clary slowly sipped at her bag of blood. She  _ didn’t _ , in fact. All she remembered were flashes, but no pain was seared in her memory. When Clary shook her head, Izzy laughed. “Hey, maybe it’s a special thing for your family. Not feeling the pain, you know? Maybe you two were destined to be a vampire.”

Clary hardly thought so - she had heard the whispered conversations that her mother had with the nurses, and their father had been a fan of corporal punishment, her mind remembering how Jonathan had been that first few months. If Jonathan wasn’t reacting, it wasn’t because he didn’t feel the pain; it was because he was trained to stay quiet. Clary was half-regretting turning her brother already.

“Who knows?”, Clary said, in the end, deciding that Jonathan could tell it all if he wanted later. They’d have all eternity, after all.

Jonathan came back to his senses hours later, and Izzy didn’t even speak to him, just handing Jonathan blood bag after bloodbag. She didn’t remember  _ that _ .

“I don’t think I’m a normal vampire,”, Clary said, sitting on the floor, and Izzy laughed.

“Doll, I think we all knew that already.”, Izzy clapped, and Jonathan’s eyes lost their wild quality. “Welcome, Jonathan, to your new eternal life. Anything you want to say?”

“Yeah, I hope the pain was worth it,”, Jonathan replied, and Izzy laughed.

“Oh, it will be. Now, I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be returning in twenty minutes, so be done with whatever you two want to do before that, alright?”

Clary blushed, but Jonathan laughed, putting a hand on her shoulders. Izzy, with a satisfied smirk, took her leave, closing the door behind her, and as soon as she did that, Jonathan kissed her passionately.

When they separated, he smiled shyly, almost, fangs showing.

“Remember we have twenty minutes,”, she told him, but Jonathan’s grin only grew.

“I thought we had eternity.”

“We do,”, Clary replied, and Jonathan kissed her again.


End file.
